A hedgehog might be cute but would you want to cuddle
it? Or feed it and take it home? So Judy James ponders as she peers into the
mirror of the staff toilet at the bus depot. Her tuft of blonde spikes is a
tribute to cheap gel and dexterous fingers.
“Frigging heck,” she spits at the mirror, “he won’t even
stop for a drink.”
It’s an hour until her shift is over, quiet time. Tidy up
and plan her escape. Clock watch till lock up and walk out. Her office is open
from 9am until 5pm, Monday to Friday. There is usually a queue when the doors
are unlocked.
Umbrellas, they are the most popular request. According to
her boss, aka The Oracle, over three thousand umbrellas found their way to the
lost property depot last year. Only a few are ever claimed. Between Christmas
and New Year her office packs up all the orphans and sends them to a charity
which sells them in shops, staffed by volunteers, around the country.
Judy is fascinated where they send the weird bits and bobs.
Who buys abandoned breast implants (three sets found on three different buses
during one month), or a giraffe skull? Wacky or what? She plans to write a book
about it.
“And your story, madam?” Judy asks a lurid pink, folding
umbrella, “who left you on the number 47 bus?”
Books outnumber umbrellas by ten to one but there is only
signed copy of the title, Baubles, a
collection of short stories. There are lots of other items that have absconded
from their owners. How can someone forget to take a lawnmower off a bus? Mind
you Judy is more impressed that someone had managed to persuade a driver to
have it on the bus.
Not all lost items are found, like the misplaced Rolex
valued at £40,000. The staff award for ‘Lost of the Year’ has gone to a speech
therapist. She reclaimed a suitcase of battery-powered vibrators. Used them in
children’s mouths to stimulate tongue movement. Or so she said, blushing. Judy
doesn’t want to think about it… too gross.
About the author
Dianne Stadhams is an Australian, resident in the
UK, who works globally. She has spent many years in some of the world’s poorest
nations working on poverty alleviation projects and has a PhD in communications
for development. Her website www.stadhams.com gives details about this and her
other interests. She loves to write – everything and anything from books to
scripts to letters of complaint.
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